PEOPLE

It is either tomorrow or the day after tomorrow that I am going to have a presentation on my job rotation experiences so far in the bank. I really do not know what to talk about for the topic because I do not think I have enough content to talk about for 5 minutes. I have yet learned a lot of things at work and it has been very depressing  although everyone kept telling me it is ok to not learn or do anything.

My group insisted of finding a word with an alphabet starting with our name. My name is Priscilla, so I have to find a word starting with 'P'. I was asking my friend what should be the word, and she told me perfect. I thought it was a good idea because I have to show optimism in me. But the truth is, I can't get over it myself. OMG, although I was told to put on my poker face at work, I will never want to say my experience there is perfect. It would be so fake to me but I'm sure someone out there are willing to use the word 'perfect'. So, I came out with the word PEOPLE.

In our daily life, we have to deal a lot with people, it is something that is unavoidable. For example, we have to deal with the cashier when we pay for our groceries, we have to order our food by telling the waitress what we would like to have for lunch, we have to work together in teams at work and so forth.  

Mouth is the most notorious weapon ever invented by God and no men on earth could ever invent anything else that can be as poisonous or hurtful as what words of mouth can do. I know it is impossible to stop people from talking behind your back because whatever you do, they will have something to comment about it. For example, today, I chose to listen to whatever they are discussing and absorb what is the right way to share ideas so I decided not talking much. Guess what, people commented on me again. They said they have never expected me to be so quiet. Others commented that since I am so quiet, I should be the one that should be doing the presentation. Actually, I was giving out my ideas too in the first place, but nobody was listening. They were very focused on the pretty Y lady. Hence, I might just shut up and listen to Y lady. Y lady is well known for her detailed work so everyone just want to hear from her. Also, I have bad reputation in the bank therefore nobody wants to even be close to me. Fair enough, by talking to me, they are having reputational risk.
I just do not understand why people like to comment and criticize on others when our focus is to get the discussion done. Seriously, why? WHY? WHY? WHY?

God gave us a pair of ears and ONLY one mouth, so why not listen what others have to say rather than always talking? I am not against people who talk, you can talk all your heart out but please only talk about yourself. You have no rights to talk about others because you have not gone through what they have and you basically do not know the whole picture of whatever you are telling. Then, it is time for story twisting and selective telling.

Rumors and gossips can completely destroy a person in the eyes of others. I can't believe a simple sentence like 'I have no faith in the HR' will be spread out to all 29 management trainees and also escalated to the senior management. Everyone was talking about it behind my back and I did not know until now. Hurray, thanks everyone who talked about me because each of you guys spent at least your precious one minute talking about me rather than doing something important!! I still have no faith in the HR. They are good in selective hearing; they only want to hear from their 'pet dogs' and others, they will treat you like stray dogs. Although both are dogs, you get different treatments and penalties.

For example, you can be late for every training and not get whacked in the face but you can get insulted in front of 29 other management trainees because you express your opinions. This is where the unfair games come in. I admit I am not beautiful because I do not have 23 inch waist or big round eyes like a Barbie, but I do not think I deserve to be treated this way. I understand human are sight-oriented animals but humans have to be rational.

TO BE CONTINUE

*I believe if I present based on what I have blogged, I will get more bullet holes at my back. I don't think my back is big enough for extra bullet. So, I will present the way they want it to be - full of lies and pretend I am happy with what they have arranged for us. Poker face mode on!!

Dogs is everyone's best friend!!

I miss my dog!! Maybe I should adopt a dog so unhappiness will stay away from me!! 

Disclaimer: Found those photos on facebook.

Let's call it a week!! =)

Don't know why I am so exhausted this week. My back ached carrying the heavy laptop bag and handbag. Is this a signal that I might fall sick over the weekend? Or maybe because I have really learned something this week after one and a half month of zero input. I feel contended. This week, at least I have something to write on my learning journal and it feels wonderful to review what I have learned. On the other hand, I must have caused a lot of trouble to my person in charge. I kept asking questions because I was so confused during the starting of the week. I never really understand foreign exchange rates in university and even now I would not guarantee that I understand everything because I still calculate the dates wrongly =(

Doing research and forecasting the future trend of 7 exchange rates will be my jobs for the weekends. Can anyone please help me do my assignments? I have no idea how those currencies move and what is happening in those countries in depth until I can be confident to forecast their future movements. Tedious jobs but I think I will enjoy it!!

 G7 currencies:

DXY (U.S. Dollar Index)

EUR/USD

USD/JPY

GBP/USD

USD/CHF

AUD/USD

USD/CAD

NZD/USD

Will be my weekend companion. Maybe I should start doing it tomorrow because my mind is completely blank now. I can't even concentrate on what the security guard was trying to tell me just now when I was about to enter the apartment. I told him to slow down because I could not catch a word out from his mouth. OMG... I must be really tired today, mentally exhausted.

I did not have quality sleep for the week. Often I will wake up in the middle of the night and my heart beats so fast that I don't understand why it is happening. Is there something wrong with me? Am I too fat that I am going to have heart attack soon? Oh nooo... Maybe it is time for me to go on diet. But... I love food!! I like to eat!! I am a round round tubby.

 

It's Friday again!!

I saw this on facebook under Golden words of Paradise,

If people say something bad about you, judge you as if they know you,
Don't feel bad, Just remember
"DOGS BARK EVEN IF THEY DON'T KNOW THE PERSON!!"

Lol. Since I can never stop my dog to bark, I can't stop people from commenting about me.
Woof Woof... Dogs are angels!!

Shakespear said:
I always feel happy because I don't expect anything from anyone. Expectations always hurt!!

Yes, no more expectations to my company and colleagues!! Yay, I only have high expectations to myself!!

Emo Friday night!! Sigh!! Good night peeps!!

給白羊座的1封信

To my dearest Batman's wife:

給白羊座的1封信

白羊的人生可以用兩個字概括：糾結。
不管從哪一方面來說，白羊本身就是一個矛盾的個體。
與白羊相戀須知：１.很慢熱，我很冷漠　 ２.很直接，討厭轉彎 ３.不喜歡說話，也不喜歡你太吵　４.喜歡自由的感覺，討厭囉嗦 ５.心智很成熟，看事很透徹　６. 很絕　７.需要行動證明愛我。

羊羊人看上去不拘小節，其實感情上道德上有絕對潔癖。
觸動原則的任何錯誤，哪怕再小都沒有辦法彌補。
決絕的轉身不回頭，不難過，不留遺憾，不內疚。
因為內心已經想的很明白，問心無愧，犀利得一塌糊塗。

你的一點關心，心思細膩的白羊會記得你對他的好。把自己的愛毫無保留的送給你，白羊是不被了解的可他們不會怨誰。
他們會傻傻的認為讓我承擔吧，別讓別人也受到傷害。
所以別讓他們最有魅力的笑容，成為掩飾痛苦的偽裝認真愛白羊，你會知道白羊的愛是充滿淚水的。

羊羊內心都很善良，很柔軟。羊羊內在的感性絕對不會亞於雙魚。羊羊真的是毫無心機地活在這個世界上。他善良得如此無私，往往讓人覺得不真實。
他很怕被人誤解，尤其是被自己在乎的人誤解。
羊羊其實本身真的很正直，確實耍不來心機。即使不被理解被誤解也依舊試著解釋。

白羊的反擊力很強，吵架的時侯羊羊可能會說一些很讓人傷心的話相信我羊羊真的不是故意的，那是他的直覺反應。
吵架就是要吵贏！
羊羊很可能一說出口就後悔了。可是很難拉下臉來衷心的道歉。
不要跟白羊生氣，放他一馬。我保證他會很感激對你加倍的好。

羊很懶，不想活得那麼累。能簡單，盡量簡單。
不愛解釋，始終認為懂自己的不用解釋。不懂自己的不必解釋。
不想管那麼多不相干的事，他們只挑自己愛做的事。
要嘛不做，要做就做到最好。其實羊羊也是完美主義者。

白羊座對好朋友可以很熱情，亂七八糟聊個不停。
對比較普通的朋友很冷淡，聊不上幾句就沉默。
羊羊很珍惜對他的好朋友，感覺是壞的叧有意疏離。
羊羊的普通朋友很多，好朋友沒幾個。
羊羊很孤獨常常自己一個人，一個人吃飯，一個人上學，一個人逛街，一個人發呆。

白羊真的沒辦法一心二用。聊手機時會把電影暫停，工作時不知道聽的是哪首歌，思考時不知道你在說的什麼。
因為羊羊的注意力只能集中在其中之一，白羊們更不會去花心。
因為羊羊喜歡簡單。腳踩兩條船，對羊羊而言是非常麻煩及複雜的事情，羊羊懶得去做因為羊羊真的很懶。


Disclaimer: Found on facebook and I do not own it.

Spelling makes wording wonder

Thank you note turns out to be thank you not!!

I wrote a thank you note and when the receiver reply my email, the subject became thank you not.

HAHAHA. Ok, I actually did not write it sincerely but I have to send it for being a nice employee. Maybe the receiver can feel the insincerity. Bleh... =P

*I have to wait for 1 month to get my necklace fixed. >.<

Pissed off with Lazo Diamond

Dear Lazo Diamond,

Your things are absolutely crap. I bought a pair of white gold earrings and it lasted for only 3 days before it broke. The earrings are not cheap. After that, I went back to the store to trade in for another pair of earrings, which I am willing to pay any price difference. However, your staff deemed that I could not do so because the earrings are broken and implicitly pointed out that it was my fault for breaking the earrings. I do not know what did I do to break those tenderly soft earrings when I was sleeping. The collegue of the supervisor who did the transaction with me claimed that she was on sick leave despite the fact that I just saw here walking out of the shop five minutes ago. Staffs in the shop was trying to be busy to avoid any contacts with me or trying to help me to solve my problems.

After arguing a bit, finally I get to trade in my broken earrings with another pair of new earrings. Unfortunately, my necklace broke after less than a month of purchase. I went to another branch in Wangsa Maju to repair. You staff told me I will have to pay for the repair. However, the staff who sold me the necklace told me it is life time guarantee and repairs are all for free. I am very frustrated with how your staffs manipulating customers by being less transparent. Nevertheless, I did get my necklace fixed on that day.

Today, which is three weeks after the second incident, my necklace is broken again. I am fed up of visiting your shop once in less than every month to get my accessories fixed. The quality of your products are pathethically low and I wonder this time I will get charged for getting my necklace fixed.

Kind regards,
Priscilla

Lousy Friday

I always say Friday is always a bad day for me. Yes, it's Friday again and it is time to be upset.

While I am trying to get over all the anger about the insult which happened previously, I just heard from another HR personnel (Miss Y) that the guy actually talked behind my back in the HR meeting. According to him, I am not taking my job seriously, I am very demanding, I only want to get into research, I am not going to stay long in the company.

First of all, I am not taking my job seriously. Excuse me, since when I work with you? You are never my person in charge (PIC) or even worst you are not in the same department as me. Where the hell are you coming from to make such judgment?

Second, you are the one that forced me to tell you what department I prefer. I have already told you that  I am uncomfortable with telling you about it. And now you tell me I am very demanding. I seriously don't understand why in the first place you asked about it. Just to slander me? WTF

Yes, I want to get into research, but I told you I want to get into Risk department too, right? Why do you have selective hearing? ZZZzzzz

Yes, I will not stay long in the company. The reason behind it is the way I am treated, it is absolutely unfair and disrespectful.

Miss Y tell me I should talk to her boss about this particular matter because if next time I leave the company, I will leave a bad name because they will treat me as not taking the job seriously. In fact, I took the job too seriously that I flag my expectations high and get disappointed over time.

It was destiny to meet the boss. I saw her on my way back to the office. I seriously did not know how to tell her what happened because I did not want to make it obvious that I am complaining. After long hours of juggling between to tell or not to tell, I finally got it out of my heart.

Obviously, you don't expect anything much from a boss because for sure a boss will defend his/her workers and not for you (referring to me, a small character). She asked me to ignore what he said. Hellooo... how is it possible? It is like I slap you on your face and I tell you, Please ignore.  Could you ignore it? Anyways, life still goes on =)

The conclusion from the whole conversation was I am a stubborn person and I do not take advices. I told the boss if I continue to talk to her, I will end up cleaning the toilet because HR can send you everywhere they want to. They are like the magician with a magic wand, Alakrabra, there-you are washing the toilet.

I do admit I am a stubborn person and I don't get shaken easily. But do remember, they are people who are able to convince me through the power of knowledge and experience, for example, the head of deposit department.

Bottle opening day!!

Today was an interesting day. I walked around the whole building, asking everyone who I know to help me to open my blue Zebra water bottle. For those who know me in ANU, maybe you guys know which water bottle I am referring to. 

This morning, I filled my bottle with cold drinks and brought it to work. When I wanted to drink, I couldn't open it. The inner pressure must be so strong that it stops me from opening it. Then I waited until lunch hour when there are more people around to help me 'unlock' it. Hmm.. there were at least 10 people who attempted to open up the bottle but FAILED. If you were on the spot, you can see two people working together just to open a bottle. Funny but showing team work scene, one holding the base of the bottle, the other twisting the cap.  Sorry for giving you guys a hard time during lunch. LOL.

We went for chu cheong fun today. Hmm... I don't like the sweet sauce of the 'fun'. Yucks, it should be savoury, how can it be sweet!! HAHAHAHA. It is also quite expensive given we have to sit at the road side and possibly get run over by a car, also it is so so so hot in the afternoon. It wasn't extremely yummy or something very special to me. I am not going there anymore if I am given a second choice since I don't like sweet sauce on my 'fun'. It doesn't match!! It's like eating chocolate ice-cream with salt sprinkled on it!! NONONONO, in my dictionary!! Others can still like it as long as I am not invited to go there. =)

Back to the blue bottle, later in the afternoon, I went to find my other good friend on the 20th floor. He was looking for a cloth to aid his opening process. HAHA... act so pro!! An uncle (Treasury head, the one that stop us for a drink) was around and without any difficult time, he managed to open it. My jaw dropped to the floor because he was the only one who can open it after so many failed cases. LOL. He said before opening the bottle, I should turn the cap left and right, rather than just anti-clock wise. One lesson learned at work, but too bad it is not any working skills!! Good enough for me, a bit of improvement everyday, no matter which field!! =)

First trip to KLCC =)

For my first time I went to KLCC to post my job application letter, I did not know where the post office was. Of course, I have to go to KLCC without telling anyone because it is really unethical to tell everyone I am prepared to leave the company while I am still there. Ok, I admit I have been very unethical lately!! HAHAHAHA

The weather on Thursday was extremely hot. I took out my UV protection umbrella and walked to the LRT station. To my surprise, the LRT was fully occupied. I thought the LRT would be quite empty given it was on a working day but at lunch hour. Most of the people were heading to where I want to go, KLCC.

I know I only have one hour of lunch so I have to rush to get things done as quickly as I could. So, I decided to ask the security guard who was standing at the entrance of the shopping mall.

ME: Excuse me, where is the post office?
Security Guard: There is no post office here.
ME: Are you serious? (I stared at him because I was so surprised that he said there is no post office in KLCC. Two people told me there IS a post office there. I walked all the way here and now you said there is no post office. !@#$%^)
Security Guard: The post office is not here, it is inside the building.
ME: I laughed. What a great joke!!

Then the security guard told me the direction. Finally, I managed to find the post office and get my things done.

The trip to KLCC's post office was very adventurous despite the hot weather!!

Dear security guard, I know your job is always boring but do not joke with someone who is in a hurry. He/She might be so focus on getting things done and not understand your joke at all!!

Long weekend

It's a long weekend. I spent my whole day sleeping yesterday. I woke up at 12.30pm, went back to sleep at 9.30pm because I am down with flu and fever. No wonder I felt so different on Thursday afternoon at work. I thought I was just ready for the weekends but it was a signal from my body to tell me  I am going to fall sick soon. Imagine I am down with sickness at least once in a month. Oh ono.... my body is seriously under attack. I need to find some food or supplement to boost my antibody.

Yesterday, my house owner bought new washing machine. Hurray... it means I don't have to hand wash my clothings. Thinking twice, I am so used to hand washing my clothing that I am reluctant to wash my clothings using washing machine because office wear are so expensive and I do not want them to get ruin when using washing machine =( Quite a lot of my clothings in Australia ended up in the rubbish bin because of the extensive use of washing machine and dryer. Let me see what I can do with my apparels. Maybe hand wash those pricey ones and dump those lower end ones into the washing machines. =)

I am supposed to study... but I am not. Oh wells, I feel like in a shopping mood now. Too bad, I am just too lazy to walk out of my apartment and I need to save for my tuition fees. Ok, I shall stay at home for the rest of the weekends and do my presentation slides >.<

Please go away, Mr FLU and MRs Fever!! Go find someone else who are happy to accept you!! =)

Supportive parents =)

I am such a lucky girl. Although there are a lot of people out there that constantly insult or talk behind me and working in a company that never appreciate my talent or my degrees, I am blessed enough to have friends and family who understand and support me.

Yesterday, when my mum called and I decided to tell her everything that happened to me in my work place despite the fact that I seldom talk to her about u bad news or unhappy stuffs. I never want my parents to worry about me therefore I always tend to show them the happy side of my life. But yesterday I thought they have to know a bit more of my current situation so they won't be shock when I quit my job. To my amusement, my mum actually was even angrier than me about how people in the company treated me. To be honest, rather than being angry, I was more upset and depressed. That's why I cried a lot. I really thought I am the worst out of the other management trainees.

My mum was extremely supportive in this case and she asked what can be done to solve this situation. So, I told her I can always do my CFA and improve my chance to get into research department. Please don't get me wrong, my mum meant I should do my CFA and continue my career somewhere else. HAHAHA. My mum reacted spontaneously by saying

'How much? When is the exam? I will take care for the exam fee. Do your CFA and add points to your qualifications. Don't let those West Malaysians look down on us.'

I think I inherited the direct and decisive characteristics from my dear mother. When I told her there is an exam on June, she asked me to sit for that exam, but obviously it is too late for me to register. Can you see how eager my mum is as compared to me who only complain most of the time? I must be more aggressive from now onwards.  

My parents never force me to do anything but sometimes they do nag me a lot, especially mum but I am very grateful to be in such family. Thank you, mum and dad. I think I can get through all these rough moments in life. For those baddies, shoo shoo shoo. Get out of my life.

It's Saturday!!

To my surprise, this morning, the first thing I did was to log on to JobStreet and look for jobs. Looks like I am already determined and made up my mind yesterday night through my dreams.

I am back to a happy girl now!! =) Maybe I should go shopping in the afternoon.

I hate fridays

The growth journey is always harsh and tough. Nobody will tender you with great care anymore, that's why being a high school kid is always great!! I do not know about others but at least for me it is.

This week, I was in the equity side of the IB. Luckily I am not alone there, another girl in my group is also there (Let's call her X).

During lunch on Wednesday, I was talking to a girl from the same batch as well (let's call her Y). I told her how I feel all this while and I told her how bad it is not to have something to do for the whole week. Yes, what I am doing is actually to draw disgrace to myself. The girl actually said:

"Your attitude sucks. If you are upset, just leave. You know why you are here? You are here in this company is because obviously you cannot get into CIMB or Maybank (top banks in Malaysia as compared to the small bank I am working with)."

After that I talked to X who was also at the lunch table previously. She told me to lower my expectations. Don't expect too much!! Although I promised her to try to lower my expectations, deep in my heart, I was wondering why should I lower my expectation. I am at work now, and all I am asking is to give me work, FEED ME WITH WORK. I am not even asking for a rise in pay or anything. Don't bosses like to pack people with work? I do not feel good at all to sit there and just receive my pay check. Besides, if everyone lower their expectations, how on earth can the company improve and move on? Obviously, I can't do anything because I am just a management trainee. I am very disappointed with the job rotation, which before this I thought it will be very exciting and insightful. I am truly displeased with the rotation. All I can do now is either to quit or work there and keep my mouth shut.

My fridays are always bad. TGIF never applies to me. Guess what, I was crying on my way to the LRT station and in the LRT. I failed to control my emotions again. I'm such a brad!! I could no longer hold my tears and I left my friend behind without even telling her. She is really a very nice and caring friend and I feel bad doing this.

The trigger to such incident was once more due to the feeling on being insulted.

There is another thing that I really dislike this manager is that I told him I am not a money oriented person and he told me not to lie!! WTF, do I need to lie on such things? I know myself more than you know me. You only know my name and my job. I doubt you know about my education and where I am from. I am a very self contended person. I get very happy with all my little improvements in life. As long as I earn enough for a living, I feel good. When it was his turn to talk about himself, he told us he was also not a money oriented person. So now, you can say this, but i cannot!! WTF!!

Then he went on asking what is my preferred department. As I have gained my experience that talking about the fact that I want to get into research will always lead to upset ending, I told him that I don't see the point of telling him because I will never be granted what I wish for. Then he told me must think positive and I ended up telling him. I am such a slut!! I promised myself not to talk about research anymore but I was talking about it again. Then he said:

"Please go home and do a search on those people in the Research Department. Compare your qualifications with them. Come and talk to me if you still find yourself good enough after you compare yourself and them. Even the youngest in the Research department is doing CFA part 2 and bla bla bla.. You see how much hard work they put in, I once interviewed XXX and we talked for five hours...."

When I finished listening what he was talking, I was already teary. I felt very insulted and hurt. If my heart is made up of glass, you will hear it shattered. Obviously, to them, my qualifications is shit and worth nothing. I might be only suitable for them to wash the toilet. Nobody treasures and look upon ANU qualifications. All my double degree, double majors and minors with two professional qualifications are only just some rough papers that are prepared to be flushed down the toilet bowl. They treasure unknown local universities certificates than ANU. I felt sorry for ANU, myself and even for them.

Have they ever give us a chance to shine? Have they ever test on our capabilities and strengths? Have they take the effort to nurture us? I believe in 99% perspiration, 1% inspiration. Don't ever look down or disregard anyone in the world. You never know what is their potentials and strengths. One day, he/she might be even more successful than you or me.

Did I ever say I am not willing to put in effort? Did I ever say I am not willing to do CFA? Did I ever say I want to go home early? Did I ever say I give up easily?

Don't assume anything on me when you don't know me!! Yes I know it is difficult but I am working on it. I am trying my best to know more about the market by reading all types of newspapers everyday and all research reports available in the market!!

To be honest, I have given up on the company. I never give up things easily, but for my first time I am giving up within 1 month. Although I look down on myself for doing so, I can't help it at all. Both my mind and heart tell me to give up. Despite all these, I will continue working until I find a new job. Till then, I will just treat it as a work, nothing more than that. I will finish every task assigned to me but I will never ever talk about research anymore or even take the effort to do more. I am not giving anyone, any more chance to insult me further. I am setting up my protection shield so I don't have to amend my broken heart everyday. I don't want swollen eyes everyday when I wake up anymore. I am fed up with my current life. I want a change. Maybe I am just not strong and tough at all. Maybe everything is just my problem. I tried to rise up from the valley by reading all types of self motivational books. It just did not happen. So for now, I am going to do research by my own and no longer put hope in the company. I am to move on!!

Once the interviewer asked whether there is at a moment I felt sad in my life, I was very proud to tell her no. But if now you ask me is there any decision that made me felt sad and regretful, I can tell you

YES, that is working with my current company. You learn nothing and get insults more than encouragements and 'suck it up' is their slogan which I think really SUCKS!!

Sleepless night

Another sleepless night for Priscilla Lim. I can barely sleep properly yesterday as well. My eyes are wide open since 3am but I only went to bed at 2am. I guess there are too much thoughts that came across my mind that require digestion. I do not like to have insomnia because now I am having headache. Oh nooo...

About Thursday, I spent my whole day refining the proposal. I googled the proper way to write a proposal but I was very very careful when I was using the internet. Guess what, I had exceeded the internet quota again today. Anyways, I was quite proud that I came out with a proposal for the first time all by my own. =) Well done, Priscilla!!

I felt the people in the department were too noisy especially for a working space. They were talking non-sense very frequently. I thought maybe if they could possibly improve their efficiency, they can go home early and get more sleep!! But one of my friend told me some superiors actually equate hardworking to working till late hours. For me, that is definitely not the case. I do it fast and correct, thus I can go home early. Work is always endless so no matter how late you stay, you can never clean up your job lists. All you can do is to do work up to date. Another reason for me to fail while I am climbing the corporate ladder because I never like to stay late in the office given I checked my job lists. Sigh

Yesterday, when I was about to leave the office, one of my colleague asked me to wait another 5 minutes because she wants to give me feedback on the work I have done. But it is already 5.50pm, I am done with work and ready to go!! Actually I couldn't blame her because she was kind enough to give me constructive feedback while she was so busy with her work the whole day. So, we chat a bit about my proposal and where to improve.

Obviously I overestimated the figures and she decided to give me actual figures from the daily report. Finally... but why don't you just give it to me when I asked for it in the first place and now I have to reconstruct everything again. Sigh, this is what I meant inefficiency!!

Somehow I can sense that my work is still below the standard and expectation of the head of division. But I was seriously satisfied with my proposal because it was my first proposal and I started from scratch without anyone's help and guidance. I could have done better if I were given more time and guidance.

Today, I spent half of the day reconstructing my revenue generation. But I think it was incorrect as well because the head of division was not interested in looking into it at all. He gave my some of his personal views on how I could gain more from this management trainee program. Another person who asked me to be more open minded and explore more of everything. He seems to be the first person in the company to be able to make me feel shaky upon my point of view. I like him. He doesn't talk crap, he is straight to the point but he disclaims everything he says. HAHAHAHAHA. He asked me what department am I interested in and obviously my standard answer was research and risk. I told him I wouldn't want anything that involves sales and he asked whether I have addressed my concerns to the HR. Seems like he feels that I've already found my direction and I will fight for it no matter what, that's why he kept on repeating how important it is for me to keep an open mind. Cool guy I would say and I would like to talk to him again if I get the chance.

After that, another division head invited me over to share my experiences to be in that department. I was extremely blur when I went into the meeting room with 8 people. So, I told him what I did and my thoughts towards changes that can be made for current products. We had quite a debate about the changes that I propose. He thinks I am very analytical but I told him too bad I never get into research. He told me, if you have an aim, just go for it, which means it is not necessary for me to be open minded. Very contradictory right?

I am still weighing which one is more important, being open minded or get on going for my current aim?

One very good suggestion that my friend gave me was be open minded for the time being and grab any possible opportunities that will lead me to my aim!! Very complicated idea but very true!!

Actually I want to thank two very important people in my life at the moment. They are my neighbours, one level above me. They listen to my complaints every time and give me suggestions on how I can improve my current situation!! I don't think I could have survive through this transition period without their comfort, love and care!! Thanks, peeps =)

Glommy Thursday

Today work was BORING, BORING, BORING. I did my 3Ss again.

I asked the department head that what should I do for the day, and all he asked me to do was to sit there and read their campaigns. I really did not like the department head. Everyday when I asked for more things to do, all he asked me to do is to read their campaigns. You think you have a lot of campaigns for me to read izit? I can read everything in one afternoon. Today is already Wednesday. All you ask me to do is to read read read. If you don't want someone to rotate in your division, just tell the HR for goodness sake. I was so jealous when I looked at other members in my group that their assigned division head explained different types of products for the whole day, brought them out to talk to the clients and asked them to do something that is really challenging. But for me, all I do is to sit there and blend among them, to become the UN-noticable.

The most frustrating bit for the day was when I wanted to leave at 5.50pm, my so called temporary colleague came to speak to me. She was telling me my proposal was not detailed enough. OMG, since when she asked me to do a proposal. All she say was "give me three marketing strategy for the three flagged products". I do not regard that as asking me to write a proposal.

The funny thing is that she told me I will not be given any extra information or figures for me to do the proposal. I have to assume things. Cool!! I will assume why rich people will come to us, what is so great about us, how much is the revenue generated from my idea!! Tomorrow onwards,
I will be staying in my own world, assuming things. In addition, I am supposed to think of something that the head will never think of to help them generate more money. Hmm... why not I take over the role of the head and get paid more since I can think of things that he can't think of? It does not make any sense. Just throw things to someone that is only at work for the 3rd day makes me feel annoyed. I do understand that a lot of the companies do do things this way. No guidance whatsoever. If we, fresh graduate can grab hold of the things old, experienced staffs are doing in just an instance, then we will not be called fresh graduate!!

By the way, yesterday I read this book called 'the secret'. It is about how amazing power of thoughts can be. If you wish to be a millionaire, start to dream now. Every morning, tell yourself, you are a millionaire, you have more than enough to spend!! Decorate your surroundings with slogans that supports your thoughts to be a millionaire and you will become one eventually. I do not know whether this is true, but I will start to change my thoughts from now onwards, BE EXTRA POSITIVE!! Come on challenges!! I'm going to bring you down.

*There was a landslide at Jalan Ampang. I pray for those that had their cars damaged!! Hopefully, tomorrow the road is back to public usage so my lovely colleagues will not be stuck in traffic again!! =)

Sigh, life!!

Do you want to know what I am up to?

To my surprise, we have internet quota at work. For me, 100mb per day is ridiculously little for work purpose. This morning, I finished using my quota within 1 hour. So, for the rest of the day, I was sitting there doing work which does not require any internet, ie, work offline. My colleagues even emailed the IT department to ask them to increase my internet quota. Seriously, why do they even have internet restriction for workers? It is already the 21st century and everyone is feeding on the information from the internet. Without internet, you will be slow in receiving information and even less of creativity since browsing the net usually provides us with a lot of different types of thoughts and ideas from all over the country. At work, we are restricted from using youtube, Facebook and all other social networking websites. So, what is the point of imposing internet quotas?

Without internet, I really do not know how am I going to survive at work. Over time, there seems to be less and less reasons for me to retain in the company.

Life sucks recently. UBAH failed!! Current government remains strong standing!! GST is going to be imposed soon enough!! I expect prices of necessity goods to increase triple fold!! I did not get my research job rotation!! I am working in a department that everyday I go to work, I hope it is time to go home!! Nobody have time to teach me stuffs, so I sit alone all the time!!

I have a new slogan in life -> Sit and Stare, Stare and Stone!! That is basically what I am doing every day at work. I hate my life. Can I please utilise my short life span properly? I cannot afford to waste my time anymore. I am already 25 years old and I have yet started to build up my career. I shall find something to do tomorrow at work.

I know I am in a transition period. But I am more of having depression because I become so sensitive and down lately. I cried so much when I did not get the job rotation in research. I was crying so hard that I woke up crying in the middle of the night. I had swollen eyes when I woke up and luckily it was Saturday the next day. I felt so much insulted and humiliated for failing to get into research or even equity capital market. I, at least had all the basic qualifications required and I admit I am not too stupid in terms of learning stuffs, but they prefer someone who was from an unknown university, not even from finance or economics degree and with poor English O.O

In short, I am still working with my current company because of two reasons:
i) I can't apply for annual leaves if I have an interview
ii) I want job experience of at least a year so others will not question my loyalty (so, it looks good on my resume)

Until I find a department that accommodates my interest and it is fast moving, I know I will not be a happy worker although there are a lot of things that can make someone happy. This does not apply to me.

30 April 2013 - Pre-Labour Day

Training has been very interesting lately. Today's talk was about how to communicate effectively and negotiate successfully. Although it was very informative, we were way way over the 'pang kang' time. For the first time, I left work at around 6.30pm and as I was walking to the LRT station, one of the department head stopped and asked us to join him for a drink. Opppsss... actually I did not notice the department head but one of the girls that was walking with me smiled at him. Obviously people like me very often failed in climbing the corporate ladder. I live in my own little world, walk at the pace of a cheetah, looking down on the floor as I walk... etc, in short, I am IGNORANT!!

Actually, I realised that to be successful in the corporate world, you do not have to be too smart. Qualifications are barely of significance too. You can be a graduate from the 三九流 local university and still be in the same management trainee program, hold important positions as other famous foreign universities graduates. Even if your english is poor (for example, not able to spell explain and unable to speak fluent English), you can still be accepted in a management trainee program (this is from what I observe). It all comes down to whether YOU CAN B.S. and BOOTLICK YOUR SUPERIOR!!

Sometimes, I feel unfair for myself. All the hard work and efforts I put in to even pass the exams when I was in the university (obviously being in a foreign university, we could not copy assignments, no tips from our seniors, higher expectations from the lecturers, higher passing marks etc and for local universities...), those expensive tuition fees and heaps more, are pretty much flushed down the toilets. Just giving an example, as a finance undergraduate student studying overseas, I am totally aware that most of the finance models we are studying now contains errors. Too bad, a local university MASTERS student did not even know or heard about it. They thought all the models such as the CAPM models were perfect. Oh wells, at least when they introduce themselves, they will tell others, 'I HAVE COMPLETED MY MASTERS' and I can only tell them, 'I ONLY HAVE A BACHELORS DEGREE'. About Bachelors, a masters student does not even know how to answer when their superior asked them "what's your bachelors?" >.<

I know if I keep comparing, definitely I will be upset and forever stuck in an angry tornado. All I can do now is strike for the best!! Hurray... tomorrow is Labour Day, it is a public holiday in Malaysia and I am moving house too!! I am getting my own room!! Life is exciting!!

About my attachments, I received bad news today. I will be transferring to a branch that is quite far from my place. The excuse was - the branch which was near to my current place is newly established. They will feel uncomfortable and intimidated if I am around. Hmmm... maybe I shouldn't even be in other branches too because they will feel the same as well. What a ridiculous excuse!! EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON!! The reason was the traffic there is high and I get more chance to talk to uncles and aunties if I am attached there. YAY!! Aunties and uncles, watch out for me!! I will be there soon!! Come and find me if you need any help but you guys must tolerate with my lousy Cantonese and Chinese!! =)

Long updates

Exams coming soon.... pimples growing on my face, laundry piling up in my room, papers full of scribbles and lecture notes laying around in every corner of my room, students mushrooming in the library, time is running out.

Somehow, this semester, I will have to pass my exams because I want to GRADUATE. Oh my goodness, after 4 years of tiring university life, this morning I received my conditional graduation letter. FINALLY FINALLY... I'm happy, how about you?

So, let's just leave the happy part... let's go to the upset and cranky part of the day.

After for such a long time, I finally went to the staff meeting for once. It's really not my problem because I usually have classes when they have staff meeting. Ok, so what made me so upset is the fact that permanent staffs at my working place claimed that casual workers are lazy bugs.According to them, casual workers are just uni student that don't give a shit to their work and get a higher pay as compared to those permanent ones. I seriously think that is such a heavy accuse to other casual staffs at my workplace. From my observation, casual staffs are those that are working really hard to either keep the kids happy and do the cleaning up. I wouldn't deny that one or two casuals are pretty 'chill' but they don't represent the whole population of casuals.

On the other hand, I can only think one permanent who is leaving today is hardworking, others are just !@#$$% (self explanatory). Most of the time I will see and hear them in the office or in the kitchen chit chatting or bitching about others. They talk about how they break up and make up with their boyfriend, what for dinner plans... etc. When you are good friends to the directors, this does not mean you have more rights to complain and not do work. Damm shit...

Besides, the permanents claimed that they are the ones that are always doing the cleaning up. Do you know why? This is because casuals are always the ones who are always asked to go outside to play with kids or handle those disabled kids. How is it possible when we are outside playing with kids and at the same time do cleaning? Why not let's make it this way, casuals do all the work and permanents just sit there and get paid? How does it sound? Maybe this would make them complain less to the directors and whinging in the staff meeting. Sorry, I am just being sarcastic =)

The last thing that I am cranky about is the directors are very angry with staff's dressings. HAHAHA... seriously, I know this is really NONE OF MY BUSINESS, because I would say I dress most appropriately at work. Always in my jumper, jeans and sneakers. How can this go wrong when you have to work with kids? But the problem is the director's friends who work there are the ones that never dress properly. Can you imagine if you have a kid and you send your kid to some sort of childcare but the childcare workers are wearing short fluffy skirts like Sailormoon and some transparent tops which bras can be see throughly? Dad would be happy but I'm not very sure about mum. HAHAHAHAHA. That's what they wear at work. =)
Will I be expecting bikinis during summer? I don't mind entertaining myself with some hot ladies working with me. We'll wait and see.

At the meantime, I really think my work place's politic has gone more complicated than I thought it would be. Most staffs are friends of friends. Where do I stand?

Enough of procrastination. Back to work.

*Hopefully next time when I attend staff meeting, I wouldn't hear those harsh accusation and impolite wording. My director is a very nice person =)

Another movie day and get touched from Brother Bear

OMG... I shed my tears today at work because I watched Brother Bear.

Sourced from Wikipedia (quite a good summary of the story):

The film is set in a post-ice age North America, where the local tribesmen believe all creatures are created through the Spirits, who are said to appear in the form of an aurora. Three brothers, Kenai (voiced by Joaquin Phoenix), Denahi (voiced by Jason Raize) and Sitka (voiced by D.B. Sweeney), return to their tribe in order for Kenai to receive his sacred totem, its meaning being what he must achieve to call himself a man. Unlike Sitka, who gained the eagle of guidance, and Denahi who gained the wolf of wisdom, Kenai receives the bear of love, much to his objections, stating that bears are thieves. His point is made a fact when a bear steals some salmon. Kenai and his brothers pursue the bear, but a fight follows on a glacier, Sitka giving his life to save his brothers, although the bear survives. Vengeful, Kenai heads out to avenge Sitka. He chases the bear up onto a mountain and kills it. The Spirits, represented by Sitka's spirit in the form of a bald eagle transforms Kenai into a bear after the dead bear's body disappears. Denahi arrives, mistaking Kenai for dead, and his bear form is responsible for it, vows to avenge Kenai.

Kenai falls down some river rapids, survives, and is healed by Tanana (voiced by Joan Copeland), the shaman of Kenai's tribe. She does not speak the bear language, but advises him to return to the mountain to find Sitka and be turned back to normal, but only when he corrects what he had done; she quickly disappears without an explanation. Kenai quickly discovers the wildlife can talk, meeting two brother mooses, Rutt and Tuke (voiced by Rick Moranis and Dave Thomas). He gets caught in a trap, but is freed by a chatty bear cub named Koda (voiced by Jeremy Suarez). The two bears make a deal, Kenai will go with Koda to a nearby salmon run and then the cub will lead Kenai to the mountain. As the two eventually form a sibling-like bond, Koda reveals that his mother is missing. The two are hunted by Denahi who fails multiple times to kill Kenai, still unaware that he is his brother. Rutt and Tuke run into the bears multiple times, the group hitching a ride on a herd of mammoths to quicken the pace to the salmon run, but the moose are left behind when the bears move on. Kenai and Koda escape Denahi again, and reach the salmon run, where a large number of bears live as a family, including the leader Tug (voiced by Michael Clarke Duncan), a Grizzly Bear. Kenai becomes very much at home and at content with the other bears. During a discussion among the bears, Koda tells a story about his mother fighting human hunters, making Kenai realize that the bear he killed was Koda's mother.

Kenai's contentment is about to be shattered when Koda tells the story of his separation from his mother

Guilty and horrified, Kenai runs away but Koda soon finds him. Kenai reveals the truth to Koda, who runs away grief-stricken. An apologetic Kenai leaves to reach the mountain. Rutt and Tuke, having fallen out, reform their brotherhood in front of Koda, prompting him to go after Kenai. Denahi confronts Kenai on the mountain, but their fight is intervened by Koda who steals Denahi's hunting pike. Kenai goes to Koda's aid out of love, prompting Sitka to appear and turn him back into a human, much to Denahi and Koda's surprise. However, Kenai asks Sitka to transform him back into a bear so he can stay with Koda. Sitka complies, and Koda is reunited briefly with the spirit of his mother, before she and Sitka return to the Spirits. In the end, Kenai lives with the rest of the bears and gains his title as a man, through being a bear.

Kenai

Koda (very bubbly and talkative little bear)

The song is also quite nice: On my way by Phil Collins
The original sound track on the DVD sounds better than this one, where i found it on youtube

After we watched Brother Bear, we went on watching Finding Nemo, then An Ant's Life. I didn't really like Finding Nemo although the children love it. =) 

What else can I complain about work when you get to have your childhood back once in a while?

Disclaimer: Images may be subjected to copyright.They do not belong to me. I downloaded from google image.