Long weekend

It's a long weekend. I spent my whole day sleeping yesterday. I woke up at 12.30pm, went back to sleep at 9.30pm because I am down with flu and fever. No wonder I felt so different on Thursday afternoon at work. I thought I was just ready for the weekends but it was a signal from my body to tell me  I am going to fall sick soon. Imagine I am down with sickness at least once in a month. Oh ono.... my body is seriously under attack. I need to find some food or supplement to boost my antibody.

Yesterday, my house owner bought new washing machine. Hurray... it means I don't have to hand wash my clothings. Thinking twice, I am so used to hand washing my clothing that I am reluctant to wash my clothings using washing machine because office wear are so expensive and I do not want them to get ruin when using washing machine =( Quite a lot of my clothings in Australia ended up in the rubbish bin because of the extensive use of washing machine and dryer. Let me see what I can do with my apparels. Maybe hand wash those pricey ones and dump those lower end ones into the washing machines. =)

I am supposed to study... but I am not. Oh wells, I feel like in a shopping mood now. Too bad, I am just too lazy to walk out of my apartment and I need to save for my tuition fees. Ok, I shall stay at home for the rest of the weekends and do my presentation slides >.<

Please go away, Mr FLU and MRs Fever!! Go find someone else who are happy to accept you!! =)

Hurray for Wednesday!!

Hurray, this week there is only 3 working days because Friday is Wesak Day. Tomorrow will be the last working day for the week. How cool is that, we only have to work 4 days a week!!

Time flies and I have been really really busy everyday doing things that was assigned by the person in charge (PIC). Although those work seems to serve no purpose at all to me, I think it should be useful for the PIC. Hopefully, it is not just asking me to do for the purpose of filling in time. Oh wells, I am still happy because at least I am fully occupied for most of the hours at work. I am pretty easy to satisfy right? =)

I want to go shopping!! I want to go eat something special!! But I am too lazy to step out of the house and I am too afraid to get snatched or hit by a car!! Oh noooossss...

I am a new share trader now!! I have my own online trading account!! A lot of things to learn as I trade, a lot of newspapers to read everyday, a lot of analysis to be made over time!!

I am so contended for now although work still sucks as always!! =)

Supportive parents =)

I am such a lucky girl. Although there are a lot of people out there that constantly insult or talk behind me and working in a company that never appreciate my talent or my degrees, I am blessed enough to have friends and family who understand and support me.

Yesterday, when my mum called and I decided to tell her everything that happened to me in my work place despite the fact that I seldom talk to her about u bad news or unhappy stuffs. I never want my parents to worry about me therefore I always tend to show them the happy side of my life. But yesterday I thought they have to know a bit more of my current situation so they won't be shock when I quit my job. To my amusement, my mum actually was even angrier than me about how people in the company treated me. To be honest, rather than being angry, I was more upset and depressed. That's why I cried a lot. I really thought I am the worst out of the other management trainees.

My mum was extremely supportive in this case and she asked what can be done to solve this situation. So, I told her I can always do my CFA and improve my chance to get into research department. Please don't get me wrong, my mum meant I should do my CFA and continue my career somewhere else. HAHAHA. My mum reacted spontaneously by saying

'How much? When is the exam? I will take care for the exam fee. Do your CFA and add points to your qualifications. Don't let those West Malaysians look down on us.'

I think I inherited the direct and decisive characteristics from my dear mother. When I told her there is an exam on June, she asked me to sit for that exam, but obviously it is too late for me to register. Can you see how eager my mum is as compared to me who only complain most of the time? I must be more aggressive from now onwards.  

My parents never force me to do anything but sometimes they do nag me a lot, especially mum but I am very grateful to be in such family. Thank you, mum and dad. I think I can get through all these rough moments in life. For those baddies, shoo shoo shoo. Get out of my life.

It's Saturday!!

To my surprise, this morning, the first thing I did was to log on to JobStreet and look for jobs. Looks like I am already determined and made up my mind yesterday night through my dreams.

I am back to a happy girl now!! =) Maybe I should go shopping in the afternoon.

I hate fridays

The growth journey is always harsh and tough. Nobody will tender you with great care anymore, that's why being a high school kid is always great!! I do not know about others but at least for me it is.

This week, I was in the equity side of the IB. Luckily I am not alone there, another girl in my group is also there (Let's call her X).

During lunch on Wednesday, I was talking to a girl from the same batch as well (let's call her Y). I told her how I feel all this while and I told her how bad it is not to have something to do for the whole week. Yes, what I am doing is actually to draw disgrace to myself. The girl actually said:

"Your attitude sucks. If you are upset, just leave. You know why you are here? You are here in this company is because obviously you cannot get into CIMB or Maybank (top banks in Malaysia as compared to the small bank I am working with)."

After that I talked to X who was also at the lunch table previously. She told me to lower my expectations. Don't expect too much!! Although I promised her to try to lower my expectations, deep in my heart, I was wondering why should I lower my expectation. I am at work now, and all I am asking is to give me work, FEED ME WITH WORK. I am not even asking for a rise in pay or anything. Don't bosses like to pack people with work? I do not feel good at all to sit there and just receive my pay check. Besides, if everyone lower their expectations, how on earth can the company improve and move on? Obviously, I can't do anything because I am just a management trainee. I am very disappointed with the job rotation, which before this I thought it will be very exciting and insightful. I am truly displeased with the rotation. All I can do now is either to quit or work there and keep my mouth shut.

My fridays are always bad. TGIF never applies to me. Guess what, I was crying on my way to the LRT station and in the LRT. I failed to control my emotions again. I'm such a brad!! I could no longer hold my tears and I left my friend behind without even telling her. She is really a very nice and caring friend and I feel bad doing this.

The trigger to such incident was once more due to the feeling on being insulted.

There is another thing that I really dislike this manager is that I told him I am not a money oriented person and he told me not to lie!! WTF, do I need to lie on such things? I know myself more than you know me. You only know my name and my job. I doubt you know about my education and where I am from. I am a very self contended person. I get very happy with all my little improvements in life. As long as I earn enough for a living, I feel good. When it was his turn to talk about himself, he told us he was also not a money oriented person. So now, you can say this, but i cannot!! WTF!!

Then he went on asking what is my preferred department. As I have gained my experience that talking about the fact that I want to get into research will always lead to upset ending, I told him that I don't see the point of telling him because I will never be granted what I wish for. Then he told me must think positive and I ended up telling him. I am such a slut!! I promised myself not to talk about research anymore but I was talking about it again. Then he said:

"Please go home and do a search on those people in the Research Department. Compare your qualifications with them. Come and talk to me if you still find yourself good enough after you compare yourself and them. Even the youngest in the Research department is doing CFA part 2 and bla bla bla.. You see how much hard work they put in, I once interviewed XXX and we talked for five hours...."

When I finished listening what he was talking, I was already teary. I felt very insulted and hurt. If my heart is made up of glass, you will hear it shattered. Obviously, to them, my qualifications is shit and worth nothing. I might be only suitable for them to wash the toilet. Nobody treasures and look upon ANU qualifications. All my double degree, double majors and minors with two professional qualifications are only just some rough papers that are prepared to be flushed down the toilet bowl. They treasure unknown local universities certificates than ANU. I felt sorry for ANU, myself and even for them.

Have they ever give us a chance to shine? Have they ever test on our capabilities and strengths? Have they take the effort to nurture us? I believe in 99% perspiration, 1% inspiration. Don't ever look down or disregard anyone in the world. You never know what is their potentials and strengths. One day, he/she might be even more successful than you or me.

Did I ever say I am not willing to put in effort? Did I ever say I am not willing to do CFA? Did I ever say I want to go home early? Did I ever say I give up easily?

Don't assume anything on me when you don't know me!! Yes I know it is difficult but I am working on it. I am trying my best to know more about the market by reading all types of newspapers everyday and all research reports available in the market!!

To be honest, I have given up on the company. I never give up things easily, but for my first time I am giving up within 1 month. Although I look down on myself for doing so, I can't help it at all. Both my mind and heart tell me to give up. Despite all these, I will continue working until I find a new job. Till then, I will just treat it as a work, nothing more than that. I will finish every task assigned to me but I will never ever talk about research anymore or even take the effort to do more. I am not giving anyone, any more chance to insult me further. I am setting up my protection shield so I don't have to amend my broken heart everyday. I don't want swollen eyes everyday when I wake up anymore. I am fed up with my current life. I want a change. Maybe I am just not strong and tough at all. Maybe everything is just my problem. I tried to rise up from the valley by reading all types of self motivational books. It just did not happen. So for now, I am going to do research by my own and no longer put hope in the company. I am to move on!!

Once the interviewer asked whether there is at a moment I felt sad in my life, I was very proud to tell her no. But if now you ask me is there any decision that made me felt sad and regretful, I can tell you

YES, that is working with my current company. You learn nothing and get insults more than encouragements and 'suck it up' is their slogan which I think really SUCKS!!

Sleepless night

Another sleepless night for Priscilla Lim. I can barely sleep properly yesterday as well. My eyes are wide open since 3am but I only went to bed at 2am. I guess there are too much thoughts that came across my mind that require digestion. I do not like to have insomnia because now I am having headache. Oh nooo...

About Thursday, I spent my whole day refining the proposal. I googled the proper way to write a proposal but I was very very careful when I was using the internet. Guess what, I had exceeded the internet quota again today. Anyways, I was quite proud that I came out with a proposal for the first time all by my own. =) Well done, Priscilla!!

I felt the people in the department were too noisy especially for a working space. They were talking non-sense very frequently. I thought maybe if they could possibly improve their efficiency, they can go home early and get more sleep!! But one of my friend told me some superiors actually equate hardworking to working till late hours. For me, that is definitely not the case. I do it fast and correct, thus I can go home early. Work is always endless so no matter how late you stay, you can never clean up your job lists. All you can do is to do work up to date. Another reason for me to fail while I am climbing the corporate ladder because I never like to stay late in the office given I checked my job lists. Sigh

Yesterday, when I was about to leave the office, one of my colleague asked me to wait another 5 minutes because she wants to give me feedback on the work I have done. But it is already 5.50pm, I am done with work and ready to go!! Actually I couldn't blame her because she was kind enough to give me constructive feedback while she was so busy with her work the whole day. So, we chat a bit about my proposal and where to improve.

Obviously I overestimated the figures and she decided to give me actual figures from the daily report. Finally... but why don't you just give it to me when I asked for it in the first place and now I have to reconstruct everything again. Sigh, this is what I meant inefficiency!!

Somehow I can sense that my work is still below the standard and expectation of the head of division. But I was seriously satisfied with my proposal because it was my first proposal and I started from scratch without anyone's help and guidance. I could have done better if I were given more time and guidance.

Today, I spent half of the day reconstructing my revenue generation. But I think it was incorrect as well because the head of division was not interested in looking into it at all. He gave my some of his personal views on how I could gain more from this management trainee program. Another person who asked me to be more open minded and explore more of everything. He seems to be the first person in the company to be able to make me feel shaky upon my point of view. I like him. He doesn't talk crap, he is straight to the point but he disclaims everything he says. HAHAHAHAHA. He asked me what department am I interested in and obviously my standard answer was research and risk. I told him I wouldn't want anything that involves sales and he asked whether I have addressed my concerns to the HR. Seems like he feels that I've already found my direction and I will fight for it no matter what, that's why he kept on repeating how important it is for me to keep an open mind. Cool guy I would say and I would like to talk to him again if I get the chance.

After that, another division head invited me over to share my experiences to be in that department. I was extremely blur when I went into the meeting room with 8 people. So, I told him what I did and my thoughts towards changes that can be made for current products. We had quite a debate about the changes that I propose. He thinks I am very analytical but I told him too bad I never get into research. He told me, if you have an aim, just go for it, which means it is not necessary for me to be open minded. Very contradictory right?

I am still weighing which one is more important, being open minded or get on going for my current aim?

One very good suggestion that my friend gave me was be open minded for the time being and grab any possible opportunities that will lead me to my aim!! Very complicated idea but very true!!

Actually I want to thank two very important people in my life at the moment. They are my neighbours, one level above me. They listen to my complaints every time and give me suggestions on how I can improve my current situation!! I don't think I could have survive through this transition period without their comfort, love and care!! Thanks, peeps =)

Collapse at 10.30pm

Too tired today!! Can't be bothered to write or complain anything. I will express my thoughts about today if I am free tomorrow.

Time to sleep. Zzzzz

*Why can't I find the stock price for Tenaga and Astro on Bursa Malaysia? Hmmm.. Something fishy going on?