Sleepless night

Another sleepless night for Priscilla Lim. I can barely sleep properly yesterday as well. My eyes are wide open since 3am but I only went to bed at 2am. I guess there are too much thoughts that came across my mind that require digestion. I do not like to have insomnia because now I am having headache. Oh nooo...

About Thursday, I spent my whole day refining the proposal. I googled the proper way to write a proposal but I was very very careful when I was using the internet. Guess what, I had exceeded the internet quota again today. Anyways, I was quite proud that I came out with a proposal for the first time all by my own. =) Well done, Priscilla!!

I felt the people in the department were too noisy especially for a working space. They were talking non-sense very frequently. I thought maybe if they could possibly improve their efficiency, they can go home early and get more sleep!! But one of my friend told me some superiors actually equate hardworking to working till late hours. For me, that is definitely not the case. I do it fast and correct, thus I can go home early. Work is always endless so no matter how late you stay, you can never clean up your job lists. All you can do is to do work up to date. Another reason for me to fail while I am climbing the corporate ladder because I never like to stay late in the office given I checked my job lists. Sigh

Yesterday, when I was about to leave the office, one of my colleague asked me to wait another 5 minutes because she wants to give me feedback on the work I have done. But it is already 5.50pm, I am done with work and ready to go!! Actually I couldn't blame her because she was kind enough to give me constructive feedback while she was so busy with her work the whole day. So, we chat a bit about my proposal and where to improve.

Obviously I overestimated the figures and she decided to give me actual figures from the daily report. Finally... but why don't you just give it to me when I asked for it in the first place and now I have to reconstruct everything again. Sigh, this is what I meant inefficiency!!

Somehow I can sense that my work is still below the standard and expectation of the head of division. But I was seriously satisfied with my proposal because it was my first proposal and I started from scratch without anyone's help and guidance. I could have done better if I were given more time and guidance.

Today, I spent half of the day reconstructing my revenue generation. But I think it was incorrect as well because the head of division was not interested in looking into it at all. He gave my some of his personal views on how I could gain more from this management trainee program. Another person who asked me to be more open minded and explore more of everything. He seems to be the first person in the company to be able to make me feel shaky upon my point of view. I like him. He doesn't talk crap, he is straight to the point but he disclaims everything he says. HAHAHAHAHA. He asked me what department am I interested in and obviously my standard answer was research and risk. I told him I wouldn't want anything that involves sales and he asked whether I have addressed my concerns to the HR. Seems like he feels that I've already found my direction and I will fight for it no matter what, that's why he kept on repeating how important it is for me to keep an open mind. Cool guy I would say and I would like to talk to him again if I get the chance.

After that, another division head invited me over to share my experiences to be in that department. I was extremely blur when I went into the meeting room with 8 people. So, I told him what I did and my thoughts towards changes that can be made for current products. We had quite a debate about the changes that I propose. He thinks I am very analytical but I told him too bad I never get into research. He told me, if you have an aim, just go for it, which means it is not necessary for me to be open minded. Very contradictory right?

I am still weighing which one is more important, being open minded or get on going for my current aim?

One very good suggestion that my friend gave me was be open minded for the time being and grab any possible opportunities that will lead me to my aim!! Very complicated idea but very true!!

Actually I want to thank two very important people in my life at the moment. They are my neighbours, one level above me. They listen to my complaints every time and give me suggestions on how I can improve my current situation!! I don't think I could have survive through this transition period without their comfort, love and care!! Thanks, peeps =)