Dear Lazo Diamond,
Your things are absolutely crap. I bought a pair of white gold earrings and it lasted for only 3 days before it broke. The earrings are not cheap. After that, I went back to the store to trade in for another pair of earrings, which I am willing to pay any price difference. However, your staff deemed that I could not do so because the earrings are broken and implicitly pointed out that it was my fault for breaking the earrings. I do not know what did I do to break those tenderly soft earrings when I was sleeping. The collegue of the supervisor who did the transaction with me claimed that she was on sick leave despite the fact that I just saw here walking out of the shop five minutes ago. Staffs in the shop was trying to be busy to avoid any contacts with me or trying to help me to solve my problems.
After arguing a bit, finally I get to trade in my broken earrings with another pair of new earrings. Unfortunately, my necklace broke after less than a month of purchase. I went to another branch in Wangsa Maju to repair. You staff told me I will have to pay for the repair. However, the staff who sold me the necklace told me it is life time guarantee and repairs are all for free. I am very frustrated with how your staffs manipulating customers by being less transparent. Nevertheless, I did get my necklace fixed on that day.
Today, which is three weeks after the second incident, my necklace is broken again. I am fed up of visiting your shop once in less than every month to get my accessories fixed. The quality of your products are pathethically low and I wonder this time I will get charged for getting my necklace fixed.
Kind regards,
Priscilla
Friday 31 May 2013
First day of June
Yesterday I had a presentation with the department I am attached with and people obviously like to ask me questions.
I was asked whether there is any products targeted to Gen-Y in the market that is up to my satisfaction. I told them I have yet found any for the time being and in future I might be able to find one. Then comes the work related question - What if you are a product manager, how do you juggle between company's profit and the benefit of customers?
HAHAHA... Guess what I answered.
It is none of the choices given. Tata ... Answer: I will reconsider my future, i.e., I will think whether I suit being a product manager. Actually reality is cruel. The moment you work the company, you have to put the company's benefit first. Oh wells, I added, if the company pays me well, I will put the company on top of consumer's benefits. This is so not like my statement. After that, they say everyone starts by getting paid less. Aiyo... who does not know that? I told them the truth, if I feel the connection between the company and me, I will do my best for the company. Connection matters, which for me right now is missing.
Actually the answer can be I will put the priority of customers first. Banking is a customer service business. If the customers are happy, they will recommend the bank to others. Although the bank is getting less profit per customer, it is gaining the market share.
This answer sounds so official, which I don't think will ever come out of my mouth. =P
For this week, I have been to KLCC for three times. I don't want to go there anymore. Goodness... No money to shop and most importantly no mood to shop. Thanks to all the baddies around me @.@
I will grow strong and God bless everyone!!
Happy Gawai!!
I was asked whether there is any products targeted to Gen-Y in the market that is up to my satisfaction. I told them I have yet found any for the time being and in future I might be able to find one. Then comes the work related question - What if you are a product manager, how do you juggle between company's profit and the benefit of customers?
HAHAHA... Guess what I answered.
It is none of the choices given. Tata ... Answer: I will reconsider my future, i.e., I will think whether I suit being a product manager. Actually reality is cruel. The moment you work the company, you have to put the company's benefit first. Oh wells, I added, if the company pays me well, I will put the company on top of consumer's benefits. This is so not like my statement. After that, they say everyone starts by getting paid less. Aiyo... who does not know that? I told them the truth, if I feel the connection between the company and me, I will do my best for the company. Connection matters, which for me right now is missing.
Actually the answer can be I will put the priority of customers first. Banking is a customer service business. If the customers are happy, they will recommend the bank to others. Although the bank is getting less profit per customer, it is gaining the market share.
This answer sounds so official, which I don't think will ever come out of my mouth. =P
For this week, I have been to KLCC for three times. I don't want to go there anymore. Goodness... No money to shop and most importantly no mood to shop. Thanks to all the baddies around me @.@
I will grow strong and God bless everyone!!
Happy Gawai!!
Lousy Friday
I always say Friday is always a bad day for me. Yes, it's Friday again and it is time to be upset.
While I am trying to get over all the anger about the insult which happened previously, I just heard from another HR personnel (Miss Y) that the guy actually talked behind my back in the HR meeting. According to him, I am not taking my job seriously, I am very demanding, I only want to get into research, I am not going to stay long in the company.
First of all, I am not taking my job seriously. Excuse me, since when I work with you? You are never my person in charge (PIC) or even worst you are not in the same department as me. Where the hell are you coming from to make such judgment?
Second, you are the one that forced me to tell you what department I prefer. I have already told you that I am uncomfortable with telling you about it. And now you tell me I am very demanding. I seriously don't understand why in the first place you asked about it. Just to slander me? WTF
Yes, I want to get into research, but I told you I want to get into Risk department too, right? Why do you have selective hearing? ZZZzzzz
Yes, I will not stay long in the company. The reason behind it is the way I am treated, it is absolutely unfair and disrespectful.
Miss Y tell me I should talk to her boss about this particular matter because if next time I leave the company, I will leave a bad name because they will treat me as not taking the job seriously. In fact, I took the job too seriously that I flag my expectations high and get disappointed over time.
It was destiny to meet the boss. I saw her on my way back to the office. I seriously did not know how to tell her what happened because I did not want to make it obvious that I am complaining. After long hours of juggling between to tell or not to tell, I finally got it out of my heart.
Obviously, you don't expect anything much from a boss because for sure a boss will defend his/her workers and not for you (referring to me, a small character). She asked me to ignore what he said. Hellooo... how is it possible? It is like I slap you on your face and I tell you, Please ignore. Could you ignore it? Anyways, life still goes on =)
The conclusion from the whole conversation was I am a stubborn person and I do not take advices. I told the boss if I continue to talk to her, I will end up cleaning the toilet because HR can send you everywhere they want to. They are like the magician with a magic wand, Alakrabra, there-you are washing the toilet.
I do admit I am a stubborn person and I don't get shaken easily. But do remember, they are people who are able to convince me through the power of knowledge and experience, for example, the head of deposit department.
While I am trying to get over all the anger about the insult which happened previously, I just heard from another HR personnel (Miss Y) that the guy actually talked behind my back in the HR meeting. According to him, I am not taking my job seriously, I am very demanding, I only want to get into research, I am not going to stay long in the company.
First of all, I am not taking my job seriously. Excuse me, since when I work with you? You are never my person in charge (PIC) or even worst you are not in the same department as me. Where the hell are you coming from to make such judgment?
Second, you are the one that forced me to tell you what department I prefer. I have already told you that I am uncomfortable with telling you about it. And now you tell me I am very demanding. I seriously don't understand why in the first place you asked about it. Just to slander me? WTF
Yes, I want to get into research, but I told you I want to get into Risk department too, right? Why do you have selective hearing? ZZZzzzz
Yes, I will not stay long in the company. The reason behind it is the way I am treated, it is absolutely unfair and disrespectful.
Miss Y tell me I should talk to her boss about this particular matter because if next time I leave the company, I will leave a bad name because they will treat me as not taking the job seriously. In fact, I took the job too seriously that I flag my expectations high and get disappointed over time.
It was destiny to meet the boss. I saw her on my way back to the office. I seriously did not know how to tell her what happened because I did not want to make it obvious that I am complaining. After long hours of juggling between to tell or not to tell, I finally got it out of my heart.
Obviously, you don't expect anything much from a boss because for sure a boss will defend his/her workers and not for you (referring to me, a small character). She asked me to ignore what he said. Hellooo... how is it possible? It is like I slap you on your face and I tell you, Please ignore. Could you ignore it? Anyways, life still goes on =)
The conclusion from the whole conversation was I am a stubborn person and I do not take advices. I told the boss if I continue to talk to her, I will end up cleaning the toilet because HR can send you everywhere they want to. They are like the magician with a magic wand, Alakrabra, there-you are washing the toilet.
I do admit I am a stubborn person and I don't get shaken easily. But do remember, they are people who are able to convince me through the power of knowledge and experience, for example, the head of deposit department.
Thursday 30 May 2013
Mentor and Buddy!!
For the MT program, we are each given a buddy and a mentor.
Today, my buddy (who is from the previous batch of MTs) complained that I never approach her. That is right, I never contacted her because I really do not feel the need to do so. There is nothing much I can say to her since she is also in the same company as me. Bleh... I am worried that I could not control my anger or temper in front of the so-called buddy, who is there to help you along your way for the whole year. I have not much interest in knowing more about the company and how they move their way through the program. I only want to do my work and be at low profile. That's why I can predict myself that I will never succeed in corporate ladder. Sigh >.<
I have to clarify, my buddy is a really nice person but today she is on fire because of someone and something. HAHAHA.
Oh, I also have an appointment with my mentor. I did email him but he never reply me, so it is not my problem. Anyways, I wouldn't want to tell them what is deep down my heart and what I am planning to do.
Seriously I don't feel like talking to anyone in the company because I have to be so careful when I talk and it is just uncomfortable and unnecessary for me. If you see me at work, most probably you will see me with my head set and sitting at one corner hiding behind the laptop screen. HAHAHA. Low profile and undetectable!!
Today, my buddy (who is from the previous batch of MTs) complained that I never approach her. That is right, I never contacted her because I really do not feel the need to do so. There is nothing much I can say to her since she is also in the same company as me. Bleh... I am worried that I could not control my anger or temper in front of the so-called buddy, who is there to help you along your way for the whole year. I have not much interest in knowing more about the company and how they move their way through the program. I only want to do my work and be at low profile. That's why I can predict myself that I will never succeed in corporate ladder. Sigh >.<
I have to clarify, my buddy is a really nice person but today she is on fire because of someone and something. HAHAHA.
Oh, I also have an appointment with my mentor. I did email him but he never reply me, so it is not my problem. Anyways, I wouldn't want to tell them what is deep down my heart and what I am planning to do.
Seriously I don't feel like talking to anyone in the company because I have to be so careful when I talk and it is just uncomfortable and unnecessary for me. If you see me at work, most probably you will see me with my head set and sitting at one corner hiding behind the laptop screen. HAHAHA. Low profile and undetectable!!
Tuesday 28 May 2013
Bottle opening day!!
Today was an interesting day. I walked around the whole building, asking everyone who I know to help me to open my blue Zebra water bottle. For those who know me in ANU, maybe you guys know which water bottle I am referring to.
This morning, I filled my bottle with cold drinks and brought it to work. When I wanted to drink, I couldn't open it. The inner pressure must be so strong that it stops me from opening it. Then I waited until lunch hour when there are more people around to help me 'unlock' it. Hmm.. there were at least 10 people who attempted to open up the bottle but FAILED. If you were on the spot, you can see two people working together just to open a bottle. Funny but showing team work scene, one holding the base of the bottle, the other twisting the cap. Sorry for giving you guys a hard time during lunch. LOL.
We went for chu cheong fun today. Hmm... I don't like the sweet sauce of the 'fun'. Yucks, it should be savoury, how can it be sweet!! HAHAHAHA. It is also quite expensive given we have to sit at the road side and possibly get run over by a car, also it is so so so hot in the afternoon. It wasn't extremely yummy or something very special to me. I am not going there anymore if I am given a second choice since I don't like sweet sauce on my 'fun'. It doesn't match!! It's like eating chocolate ice-cream with salt sprinkled on it!! NONONONO, in my dictionary!! Others can still like it as long as I am not invited to go there. =)
Back to the blue bottle, later in the afternoon, I went to find my other good friend on the 20th floor. He was looking for a cloth to aid his opening process. HAHA... act so pro!! An uncle (Treasury head, the one that stop us for a drink) was around and without any difficult time, he managed to open it. My jaw dropped to the floor because he was the only one who can open it after so many failed cases. LOL. He said before opening the bottle, I should turn the cap left and right, rather than just anti-clock wise. One lesson learned at work, but too bad it is not any working skills!! Good enough for me, a bit of improvement everyday, no matter which field!! =)
Saturday 25 May 2013
First trip to KLCC =)
For my first time I went to KLCC to post my job application letter, I did not know where the post office was. Of course, I have to go to KLCC without telling anyone because it is really unethical to tell everyone I am prepared to leave the company while I am still there. Ok, I admit I have been very unethical lately!! HAHAHAHA
The weather on Thursday was extremely hot. I took out my UV protection umbrella and walked to the LRT station. To my surprise, the LRT was fully occupied. I thought the LRT would be quite empty given it was on a working day but at lunch hour. Most of the people were heading to where I want to go, KLCC.
I know I only have one hour of lunch so I have to rush to get things done as quickly as I could. So, I decided to ask the security guard who was standing at the entrance of the shopping mall.
ME: Excuse me, where is the post office?
Security Guard: There is no post office here.
ME: Are you serious? (I stared at him because I was so surprised that he said there is no post office in KLCC. Two people told me there IS a post office there. I walked all the way here and now you said there is no post office. !@#$%^)
Security Guard: The post office is not here, it is inside the building.
ME: I laughed. What a great joke!!
Then the security guard told me the direction. Finally, I managed to find the post office and get my things done.
The trip to KLCC's post office was very adventurous despite the hot weather!!
Dear security guard, I know your job is always boring but do not joke with someone who is in a hurry. He/She might be so focus on getting things done and not understand your joke at all!!
The weather on Thursday was extremely hot. I took out my UV protection umbrella and walked to the LRT station. To my surprise, the LRT was fully occupied. I thought the LRT would be quite empty given it was on a working day but at lunch hour. Most of the people were heading to where I want to go, KLCC.
I know I only have one hour of lunch so I have to rush to get things done as quickly as I could. So, I decided to ask the security guard who was standing at the entrance of the shopping mall.
ME: Excuse me, where is the post office?
Security Guard: There is no post office here.
ME: Are you serious? (I stared at him because I was so surprised that he said there is no post office in KLCC. Two people told me there IS a post office there. I walked all the way here and now you said there is no post office. !@#$%^)
Security Guard: The post office is not here, it is inside the building.
ME: I laughed. What a great joke!!
Then the security guard told me the direction. Finally, I managed to find the post office and get my things done.
The trip to KLCC's post office was very adventurous despite the hot weather!!
Dear security guard, I know your job is always boring but do not joke with someone who is in a hurry. He/She might be so focus on getting things done and not understand your joke at all!!
Friday 24 May 2013
Long weekend
It's a long weekend. I spent my whole day sleeping yesterday. I woke up at 12.30pm, went back to sleep at 9.30pm because I am down with flu and fever. No wonder I felt so different on Thursday afternoon at work. I thought I was just ready for the weekends but it was a signal from my body to tell me I am going to fall sick soon. Imagine I am down with sickness at least once in a month. Oh ono.... my body is seriously under attack. I need to find some food or supplement to boost my antibody.
Yesterday, my house owner bought new washing machine. Hurray... it means I don't have to hand wash my clothings. Thinking twice, I am so used to hand washing my clothing that I am reluctant to wash my clothings using washing machine because office wear are so expensive and I do not want them to get ruin when using washing machine =( Quite a lot of my clothings in Australia ended up in the rubbish bin because of the extensive use of washing machine and dryer. Let me see what I can do with my apparels. Maybe hand wash those pricey ones and dump those lower end ones into the washing machines. =)
I am supposed to study... but I am not. Oh wells, I feel like in a shopping mood now. Too bad, I am just too lazy to walk out of my apartment and I need to save for my tuition fees. Ok, I shall stay at home for the rest of the weekends and do my presentation slides >.<
Please go away, Mr FLU and MRs Fever!! Go find someone else who are happy to accept you!! =)
Wednesday 22 May 2013
Hurray for Wednesday!!
Hurray, this week there is only 3 working days because Friday is Wesak Day. Tomorrow will be the last working day for the week. How cool is that, we only have to work 4 days a week!!
Time flies and I have been really really busy everyday doing things that was assigned by the person in charge (PIC). Although those work seems to serve no purpose at all to me, I think it should be useful for the PIC. Hopefully, it is not just asking me to do for the purpose of filling in time. Oh wells, I am still happy because at least I am fully occupied for most of the hours at work. I am pretty easy to satisfy right? =)
I want to go shopping!! I want to go eat something special!! But I am too lazy to step out of the house and I am too afraid to get snatched or hit by a car!! Oh noooossss...
I am a new share trader now!! I have my own online trading account!! A lot of things to learn as I trade, a lot of newspapers to read everyday, a lot of analysis to be made over time!!
I am so contended for now although work still sucks as always!! =)
Time flies and I have been really really busy everyday doing things that was assigned by the person in charge (PIC). Although those work seems to serve no purpose at all to me, I think it should be useful for the PIC. Hopefully, it is not just asking me to do for the purpose of filling in time. Oh wells, I am still happy because at least I am fully occupied for most of the hours at work. I am pretty easy to satisfy right? =)
I want to go shopping!! I want to go eat something special!! But I am too lazy to step out of the house and I am too afraid to get snatched or hit by a car!! Oh noooossss...
I am a new share trader now!! I have my own online trading account!! A lot of things to learn as I trade, a lot of newspapers to read everyday, a lot of analysis to be made over time!!
I am so contended for now although work still sucks as always!! =)
Saturday 18 May 2013
Supportive parents =)
I am such a lucky girl. Although there are a lot of people out there that constantly insult or talk behind me and working in a company that never appreciate my talent or my degrees, I am blessed enough to have friends and family who understand and support me.
Yesterday, when my mum called and I decided to tell her everything that happened to me in my work place despite the fact that I seldom talk to her about u bad news or unhappy stuffs. I never want my parents to worry about me therefore I always tend to show them the happy side of my life. But yesterday I thought they have to know a bit more of my current situation so they won't be shock when I quit my job. To my amusement, my mum actually was even angrier than me about how people in the company treated me. To be honest, rather than being angry, I was more upset and depressed. That's why I cried a lot. I really thought I am the worst out of the other management trainees.
My mum was extremely supportive in this case and she asked what can be done to solve this situation. So, I told her I can always do my CFA and improve my chance to get into research department. Please don't get me wrong, my mum meant I should do my CFA and continue my career somewhere else. HAHAHA. My mum reacted spontaneously by saying
'How much? When is the exam? I will take care for the exam fee. Do your CFA and add points to your qualifications. Don't let those West Malaysians look down on us.'
I think I inherited the direct and decisive characteristics from my dear mother. When I told her there is an exam on June, she asked me to sit for that exam, but obviously it is too late for me to register. Can you see how eager my mum is as compared to me who only complain most of the time? I must be more aggressive from now onwards.
My parents never force me to do anything but sometimes they do nag me a lot, especially mum but I am very grateful to be in such family. Thank you, mum and dad. I think I can get through all these rough moments in life. For those baddies, shoo shoo shoo. Get out of my life.
Yesterday, when my mum called and I decided to tell her everything that happened to me in my work place despite the fact that I seldom talk to her about u bad news or unhappy stuffs. I never want my parents to worry about me therefore I always tend to show them the happy side of my life. But yesterday I thought they have to know a bit more of my current situation so they won't be shock when I quit my job. To my amusement, my mum actually was even angrier than me about how people in the company treated me. To be honest, rather than being angry, I was more upset and depressed. That's why I cried a lot. I really thought I am the worst out of the other management trainees.
My mum was extremely supportive in this case and she asked what can be done to solve this situation. So, I told her I can always do my CFA and improve my chance to get into research department. Please don't get me wrong, my mum meant I should do my CFA and continue my career somewhere else. HAHAHA. My mum reacted spontaneously by saying
'How much? When is the exam? I will take care for the exam fee. Do your CFA and add points to your qualifications. Don't let those West Malaysians look down on us.'
I think I inherited the direct and decisive characteristics from my dear mother. When I told her there is an exam on June, she asked me to sit for that exam, but obviously it is too late for me to register. Can you see how eager my mum is as compared to me who only complain most of the time? I must be more aggressive from now onwards.
My parents never force me to do anything but sometimes they do nag me a lot, especially mum but I am very grateful to be in such family. Thank you, mum and dad. I think I can get through all these rough moments in life. For those baddies, shoo shoo shoo. Get out of my life.
Friday 17 May 2013
It's Saturday!!
To my surprise, this morning, the first thing I did was to log on to JobStreet and look for jobs. Looks like I am already determined and made up my mind yesterday night through my dreams.
I am back to a happy girl now!! =) Maybe I should go shopping in the afternoon.
I am back to a happy girl now!! =) Maybe I should go shopping in the afternoon.
I hate fridays
The growth journey is always harsh and tough. Nobody will tender you with great care anymore, that's why being a high school kid is always great!! I do not know about others but at least for me it is.
This week, I was in the equity side of the IB. Luckily I am not alone there, another girl in my group is also there (Let's call her X).
During lunch on Wednesday, I was talking to a girl from the same batch as well (let's call her Y). I told her how I feel all this while and I told her how bad it is not to have something to do for the whole week. Yes, what I am doing is actually to draw disgrace to myself. The girl actually said:
"Your attitude sucks. If you are upset, just leave. You know why you are here? You are here in this company is because obviously you cannot get into CIMB or Maybank (top banks in Malaysia as compared to the small bank I am working with)."
After that I talked to X who was also at the lunch table previously. She told me to lower my expectations. Don't expect too much!! Although I promised her to try to lower my expectations, deep in my heart, I was wondering why should I lower my expectation. I am at work now, and all I am asking is to give me work, FEED ME WITH WORK. I am not even asking for a rise in pay or anything. Don't bosses like to pack people with work? I do not feel good at all to sit there and just receive my pay check. Besides, if everyone lower their expectations, how on earth can the company improve and move on? Obviously, I can't do anything because I am just a management trainee. I am very disappointed with the job rotation, which before this I thought it will be very exciting and insightful. I am truly displeased with the rotation. All I can do now is either to quit or work there and keep my mouth shut.
My fridays are always bad. TGIF never applies to me. Guess what, I was crying on my way to the LRT station and in the LRT. I failed to control my emotions again. I'm such a brad!! I could no longer hold my tears and I left my friend behind without even telling her. She is really a very nice and caring friend and I feel bad doing this.
The trigger to such incident was once more due to the feeling on being insulted.
There is another thing that I really dislike this manager is that I told him I am not a money oriented person and he told me not to lie!! WTF, do I need to lie on such things? I know myself more than you know me. You only know my name and my job. I doubt you know about my education and where I am from. I am a very self contended person. I get very happy with all my little improvements in life. As long as I earn enough for a living, I feel good. When it was his turn to talk about himself, he told us he was also not a money oriented person. So now, you can say this, but i cannot!! WTF!!
Then he went on asking what is my preferred department. As I have gained my experience that talking about the fact that I want to get into research will always lead to upset ending, I told him that I don't see the point of telling him because I will never be granted what I wish for. Then he told me must think positive and I ended up telling him. I am such a slut!! I promised myself not to talk about research anymore but I was talking about it again. Then he said:
"Please go home and do a search on those people in the Research Department. Compare your qualifications with them. Come and talk to me if you still find yourself good enough after you compare yourself and them. Even the youngest in the Research department is doing CFA part 2 and bla bla bla.. You see how much hard work they put in, I once interviewed XXX and we talked for five hours...."
When I finished listening what he was talking, I was already teary. I felt very insulted and hurt. If my heart is made up of glass, you will hear it shattered. Obviously, to them, my qualifications is shit and worth nothing. I might be only suitable for them to wash the toilet. Nobody treasures and look upon ANU qualifications. All my double degree, double majors and minors with two professional qualifications are only just some rough papers that are prepared to be flushed down the toilet bowl. They treasure unknown local universities certificates than ANU. I felt sorry for ANU, myself and even for them.
Have they ever give us a chance to shine? Have they ever test on our capabilities and strengths? Have they take the effort to nurture us? I believe in 99% perspiration, 1% inspiration. Don't ever look down or disregard anyone in the world. You never know what is their potentials and strengths. One day, he/she might be even more successful than you or me.
Did I ever say I am not willing to put in effort? Did I ever say I am not willing to do CFA? Did I ever say I want to go home early? Did I ever say I give up easily?
Don't assume anything on me when you don't know me!! Yes I know it is difficult but I am working on it. I am trying my best to know more about the market by reading all types of newspapers everyday and all research reports available in the market!!
To be honest, I have given up on the company. I never give up things easily, but for my first time I am giving up within 1 month. Although I look down on myself for doing so, I can't help it at all. Both my mind and heart tell me to give up. Despite all these, I will continue working until I find a new job. Till then, I will just treat it as a work, nothing more than that. I will finish every task assigned to me but I will never ever talk about research anymore or even take the effort to do more. I am not giving anyone, any more chance to insult me further. I am setting up my protection shield so I don't have to amend my broken heart everyday. I don't want swollen eyes everyday when I wake up anymore. I am fed up with my current life. I want a change. Maybe I am just not strong and tough at all. Maybe everything is just my problem. I tried to rise up from the valley by reading all types of self motivational books. It just did not happen. So for now, I am going to do research by my own and no longer put hope in the company. I am to move on!!
Once the interviewer asked whether there is at a moment I felt sad in my life, I was very proud to tell her no. But if now you ask me is there any decision that made me felt sad and regretful, I can tell you
YES, that is working with my current company. You learn nothing and get insults more than encouragements and 'suck it up' is their slogan which I think really SUCKS!!
This week, I was in the equity side of the IB. Luckily I am not alone there, another girl in my group is also there (Let's call her X).
During lunch on Wednesday, I was talking to a girl from the same batch as well (let's call her Y). I told her how I feel all this while and I told her how bad it is not to have something to do for the whole week. Yes, what I am doing is actually to draw disgrace to myself. The girl actually said:
"Your attitude sucks. If you are upset, just leave. You know why you are here? You are here in this company is because obviously you cannot get into CIMB or Maybank (top banks in Malaysia as compared to the small bank I am working with)."
After that I talked to X who was also at the lunch table previously. She told me to lower my expectations. Don't expect too much!! Although I promised her to try to lower my expectations, deep in my heart, I was wondering why should I lower my expectation. I am at work now, and all I am asking is to give me work, FEED ME WITH WORK. I am not even asking for a rise in pay or anything. Don't bosses like to pack people with work? I do not feel good at all to sit there and just receive my pay check. Besides, if everyone lower their expectations, how on earth can the company improve and move on? Obviously, I can't do anything because I am just a management trainee. I am very disappointed with the job rotation, which before this I thought it will be very exciting and insightful. I am truly displeased with the rotation. All I can do now is either to quit or work there and keep my mouth shut.
My fridays are always bad. TGIF never applies to me. Guess what, I was crying on my way to the LRT station and in the LRT. I failed to control my emotions again. I'm such a brad!! I could no longer hold my tears and I left my friend behind without even telling her. She is really a very nice and caring friend and I feel bad doing this.
The trigger to such incident was once more due to the feeling on being insulted.
There is another thing that I really dislike this manager is that I told him I am not a money oriented person and he told me not to lie!! WTF, do I need to lie on such things? I know myself more than you know me. You only know my name and my job. I doubt you know about my education and where I am from. I am a very self contended person. I get very happy with all my little improvements in life. As long as I earn enough for a living, I feel good. When it was his turn to talk about himself, he told us he was also not a money oriented person. So now, you can say this, but i cannot!! WTF!!
Then he went on asking what is my preferred department. As I have gained my experience that talking about the fact that I want to get into research will always lead to upset ending, I told him that I don't see the point of telling him because I will never be granted what I wish for. Then he told me must think positive and I ended up telling him. I am such a slut!! I promised myself not to talk about research anymore but I was talking about it again. Then he said:
"Please go home and do a search on those people in the Research Department. Compare your qualifications with them. Come and talk to me if you still find yourself good enough after you compare yourself and them. Even the youngest in the Research department is doing CFA part 2 and bla bla bla.. You see how much hard work they put in, I once interviewed XXX and we talked for five hours...."
When I finished listening what he was talking, I was already teary. I felt very insulted and hurt. If my heart is made up of glass, you will hear it shattered. Obviously, to them, my qualifications is shit and worth nothing. I might be only suitable for them to wash the toilet. Nobody treasures and look upon ANU qualifications. All my double degree, double majors and minors with two professional qualifications are only just some rough papers that are prepared to be flushed down the toilet bowl. They treasure unknown local universities certificates than ANU. I felt sorry for ANU, myself and even for them.
Have they ever give us a chance to shine? Have they ever test on our capabilities and strengths? Have they take the effort to nurture us? I believe in 99% perspiration, 1% inspiration. Don't ever look down or disregard anyone in the world. You never know what is their potentials and strengths. One day, he/she might be even more successful than you or me.
Did I ever say I am not willing to put in effort? Did I ever say I am not willing to do CFA? Did I ever say I want to go home early? Did I ever say I give up easily?
Don't assume anything on me when you don't know me!! Yes I know it is difficult but I am working on it. I am trying my best to know more about the market by reading all types of newspapers everyday and all research reports available in the market!!
To be honest, I have given up on the company. I never give up things easily, but for my first time I am giving up within 1 month. Although I look down on myself for doing so, I can't help it at all. Both my mind and heart tell me to give up. Despite all these, I will continue working until I find a new job. Till then, I will just treat it as a work, nothing more than that. I will finish every task assigned to me but I will never ever talk about research anymore or even take the effort to do more. I am not giving anyone, any more chance to insult me further. I am setting up my protection shield so I don't have to amend my broken heart everyday. I don't want swollen eyes everyday when I wake up anymore. I am fed up with my current life. I want a change. Maybe I am just not strong and tough at all. Maybe everything is just my problem. I tried to rise up from the valley by reading all types of self motivational books. It just did not happen. So for now, I am going to do research by my own and no longer put hope in the company. I am to move on!!
Once the interviewer asked whether there is at a moment I felt sad in my life, I was very proud to tell her no. But if now you ask me is there any decision that made me felt sad and regretful, I can tell you
YES, that is working with my current company. You learn nothing and get insults more than encouragements and 'suck it up' is their slogan which I think really SUCKS!!
Friday 10 May 2013
Sleepless night
Another sleepless night for Priscilla Lim. I can barely sleep properly yesterday as well. My eyes are wide open since 3am but I only went to bed at 2am. I guess there are too much thoughts that came across my mind that require digestion. I do not like to have insomnia because now I am having headache. Oh nooo...
About Thursday, I spent my whole day refining the proposal. I googled the proper way to write a proposal but I was very very careful when I was using the internet. Guess what, I had exceeded the internet quota again today. Anyways, I was quite proud that I came out with a proposal for the first time all by my own. =) Well done, Priscilla!!
I felt the people in the department were too noisy especially for a working space. They were talking non-sense very frequently. I thought maybe if they could possibly improve their efficiency, they can go home early and get more sleep!! But one of my friend told me some superiors actually equate hardworking to working till late hours. For me, that is definitely not the case. I do it fast and correct, thus I can go home early. Work is always endless so no matter how late you stay, you can never clean up your job lists. All you can do is to do work up to date. Another reason for me to fail while I am climbing the corporate ladder because I never like to stay late in the office given I checked my job lists. Sigh
Yesterday, when I was about to leave the office, one of my colleague asked me to wait another 5 minutes because she wants to give me feedback on the work I have done. But it is already 5.50pm, I am done with work and ready to go!! Actually I couldn't blame her because she was kind enough to give me constructive feedback while she was so busy with her work the whole day. So, we chat a bit about my proposal and where to improve.
Obviously I overestimated the figures and she decided to give me actual figures from the daily report. Finally... but why don't you just give it to me when I asked for it in the first place and now I have to reconstruct everything again. Sigh, this is what I meant inefficiency!!
Somehow I can sense that my work is still below the standard and expectation of the head of division. But I was seriously satisfied with my proposal because it was my first proposal and I started from scratch without anyone's help and guidance. I could have done better if I were given more time and guidance.
Today, I spent half of the day reconstructing my revenue generation. But I think it was incorrect as well because the head of division was not interested in looking into it at all. He gave my some of his personal views on how I could gain more from this management trainee program. Another person who asked me to be more open minded and explore more of everything. He seems to be the first person in the company to be able to make me feel shaky upon my point of view. I like him. He doesn't talk crap, he is straight to the point but he disclaims everything he says. HAHAHAHAHA. He asked me what department am I interested in and obviously my standard answer was research and risk. I told him I wouldn't want anything that involves sales and he asked whether I have addressed my concerns to the HR. Seems like he feels that I've already found my direction and I will fight for it no matter what, that's why he kept on repeating how important it is for me to keep an open mind. Cool guy I would say and I would like to talk to him again if I get the chance.
After that, another division head invited me over to share my experiences to be in that department. I was extremely blur when I went into the meeting room with 8 people. So, I told him what I did and my thoughts towards changes that can be made for current products. We had quite a debate about the changes that I propose. He thinks I am very analytical but I told him too bad I never get into research. He told me, if you have an aim, just go for it, which means it is not necessary for me to be open minded. Very contradictory right?
I am still weighing which one is more important, being open minded or get on going for my current aim?
One very good suggestion that my friend gave me was be open minded for the time being and grab any possible opportunities that will lead me to my aim!! Very complicated idea but very true!!
Actually I want to thank two very important people in my life at the moment. They are my neighbours, one level above me. They listen to my complaints every time and give me suggestions on how I can improve my current situation!! I don't think I could have survive through this transition period without their comfort, love and care!! Thanks, peeps =)
About Thursday, I spent my whole day refining the proposal. I googled the proper way to write a proposal but I was very very careful when I was using the internet. Guess what, I had exceeded the internet quota again today. Anyways, I was quite proud that I came out with a proposal for the first time all by my own. =) Well done, Priscilla!!
I felt the people in the department were too noisy especially for a working space. They were talking non-sense very frequently. I thought maybe if they could possibly improve their efficiency, they can go home early and get more sleep!! But one of my friend told me some superiors actually equate hardworking to working till late hours. For me, that is definitely not the case. I do it fast and correct, thus I can go home early. Work is always endless so no matter how late you stay, you can never clean up your job lists. All you can do is to do work up to date. Another reason for me to fail while I am climbing the corporate ladder because I never like to stay late in the office given I checked my job lists. Sigh
Yesterday, when I was about to leave the office, one of my colleague asked me to wait another 5 minutes because she wants to give me feedback on the work I have done. But it is already 5.50pm, I am done with work and ready to go!! Actually I couldn't blame her because she was kind enough to give me constructive feedback while she was so busy with her work the whole day. So, we chat a bit about my proposal and where to improve.
Obviously I overestimated the figures and she decided to give me actual figures from the daily report. Finally... but why don't you just give it to me when I asked for it in the first place and now I have to reconstruct everything again. Sigh, this is what I meant inefficiency!!
Somehow I can sense that my work is still below the standard and expectation of the head of division. But I was seriously satisfied with my proposal because it was my first proposal and I started from scratch without anyone's help and guidance. I could have done better if I were given more time and guidance.
Today, I spent half of the day reconstructing my revenue generation. But I think it was incorrect as well because the head of division was not interested in looking into it at all. He gave my some of his personal views on how I could gain more from this management trainee program. Another person who asked me to be more open minded and explore more of everything. He seems to be the first person in the company to be able to make me feel shaky upon my point of view. I like him. He doesn't talk crap, he is straight to the point but he disclaims everything he says. HAHAHAHAHA. He asked me what department am I interested in and obviously my standard answer was research and risk. I told him I wouldn't want anything that involves sales and he asked whether I have addressed my concerns to the HR. Seems like he feels that I've already found my direction and I will fight for it no matter what, that's why he kept on repeating how important it is for me to keep an open mind. Cool guy I would say and I would like to talk to him again if I get the chance.
After that, another division head invited me over to share my experiences to be in that department. I was extremely blur when I went into the meeting room with 8 people. So, I told him what I did and my thoughts towards changes that can be made for current products. We had quite a debate about the changes that I propose. He thinks I am very analytical but I told him too bad I never get into research. He told me, if you have an aim, just go for it, which means it is not necessary for me to be open minded. Very contradictory right?
I am still weighing which one is more important, being open minded or get on going for my current aim?
One very good suggestion that my friend gave me was be open minded for the time being and grab any possible opportunities that will lead me to my aim!! Very complicated idea but very true!!
Actually I want to thank two very important people in my life at the moment. They are my neighbours, one level above me. They listen to my complaints every time and give me suggestions on how I can improve my current situation!! I don't think I could have survive through this transition period without their comfort, love and care!! Thanks, peeps =)
Thursday 9 May 2013
Collapse at 10.30pm
Too tired today!! Can't be bothered to write or complain anything. I will express my thoughts about today if I am free tomorrow.
Time to sleep. Zzzzz
*Why can't I find the stock price for Tenaga and Astro on Bursa Malaysia? Hmmm.. Something fishy going on?
Time to sleep. Zzzzz
*Why can't I find the stock price for Tenaga and Astro on Bursa Malaysia? Hmmm.. Something fishy going on?
Wednesday 8 May 2013
Glommy Thursday
Today work was BORING, BORING, BORING. I did my 3Ss again.
I asked the department head that what should I do for the day, and all he asked me to do was to sit there and read their campaigns. I really did not like the department head. Everyday when I asked for more things to do, all he asked me to do is to read their campaigns. You think you have a lot of campaigns for me to read izit? I can read everything in one afternoon. Today is already Wednesday. All you ask me to do is to read read read. If you don't want someone to rotate in your division, just tell the HR for goodness sake. I was so jealous when I looked at other members in my group that their assigned division head explained different types of products for the whole day, brought them out to talk to the clients and asked them to do something that is really challenging. But for me, all I do is to sit there and blend among them, to become the UN-noticable.
The most frustrating bit for the day was when I wanted to leave at 5.50pm, my so called temporary colleague came to speak to me. She was telling me my proposal was not detailed enough. OMG, since when she asked me to do a proposal. All she say was "give me three marketing strategy for the three flagged products". I do not regard that as asking me to write a proposal.
The funny thing is that she told me I will not be given any extra information or figures for me to do the proposal. I have to assume things. Cool!! I will assume why rich people will come to us, what is so great about us, how much is the revenue generated from my idea!! Tomorrow onwards,
I will be staying in my own world, assuming things. In addition, I am supposed to think of something that the head will never think of to help them generate more money. Hmm... why not I take over the role of the head and get paid more since I can think of things that he can't think of? It does not make any sense. Just throw things to someone that is only at work for the 3rd day makes me feel annoyed. I do understand that a lot of the companies do do things this way. No guidance whatsoever. If we, fresh graduate can grab hold of the things old, experienced staffs are doing in just an instance, then we will not be called fresh graduate!!
By the way, yesterday I read this book called 'the secret'. It is about how amazing power of thoughts can be. If you wish to be a millionaire, start to dream now. Every morning, tell yourself, you are a millionaire, you have more than enough to spend!! Decorate your surroundings with slogans that supports your thoughts to be a millionaire and you will become one eventually. I do not know whether this is true, but I will start to change my thoughts from now onwards, BE EXTRA POSITIVE!! Come on challenges!! I'm going to bring you down.
*There was a landslide at Jalan Ampang. I pray for those that had their cars damaged!! Hopefully, tomorrow the road is back to public usage so my lovely colleagues will not be stuck in traffic again!! =)
I asked the department head that what should I do for the day, and all he asked me to do was to sit there and read their campaigns. I really did not like the department head. Everyday when I asked for more things to do, all he asked me to do is to read their campaigns. You think you have a lot of campaigns for me to read izit? I can read everything in one afternoon. Today is already Wednesday. All you ask me to do is to read read read. If you don't want someone to rotate in your division, just tell the HR for goodness sake. I was so jealous when I looked at other members in my group that their assigned division head explained different types of products for the whole day, brought them out to talk to the clients and asked them to do something that is really challenging. But for me, all I do is to sit there and blend among them, to become the UN-noticable.
The most frustrating bit for the day was when I wanted to leave at 5.50pm, my so called temporary colleague came to speak to me. She was telling me my proposal was not detailed enough. OMG, since when she asked me to do a proposal. All she say was "give me three marketing strategy for the three flagged products". I do not regard that as asking me to write a proposal.
The funny thing is that she told me I will not be given any extra information or figures for me to do the proposal. I have to assume things. Cool!! I will assume why rich people will come to us, what is so great about us, how much is the revenue generated from my idea!! Tomorrow onwards,
I will be staying in my own world, assuming things. In addition, I am supposed to think of something that the head will never think of to help them generate more money. Hmm... why not I take over the role of the head and get paid more since I can think of things that he can't think of? It does not make any sense. Just throw things to someone that is only at work for the 3rd day makes me feel annoyed. I do understand that a lot of the companies do do things this way. No guidance whatsoever. If we, fresh graduate can grab hold of the things old, experienced staffs are doing in just an instance, then we will not be called fresh graduate!!
By the way, yesterday I read this book called 'the secret'. It is about how amazing power of thoughts can be. If you wish to be a millionaire, start to dream now. Every morning, tell yourself, you are a millionaire, you have more than enough to spend!! Decorate your surroundings with slogans that supports your thoughts to be a millionaire and you will become one eventually. I do not know whether this is true, but I will start to change my thoughts from now onwards, BE EXTRA POSITIVE!! Come on challenges!! I'm going to bring you down.
*There was a landslide at Jalan Ampang. I pray for those that had their cars damaged!! Hopefully, tomorrow the road is back to public usage so my lovely colleagues will not be stuck in traffic again!! =)
Tuesday 7 May 2013
Sigh, life!!
Do you want to know what I am up to?
To my surprise, we have internet quota at work. For me, 100mb per day is ridiculously little for work purpose. This morning, I finished using my quota within 1 hour. So, for the rest of the day, I was sitting there doing work which does not require any internet, ie, work offline. My colleagues even emailed the IT department to ask them to increase my internet quota. Seriously, why do they even have internet restriction for workers? It is already the 21st century and everyone is feeding on the information from the internet. Without internet, you will be slow in receiving information and even less of creativity since browsing the net usually provides us with a lot of different types of thoughts and ideas from all over the country. At work, we are restricted from using youtube, Facebook and all other social networking websites. So, what is the point of imposing internet quotas?
Without internet, I really do not know how am I going to survive at work. Over time, there seems to be less and less reasons for me to retain in the company.
Life sucks recently. UBAH failed!! Current government remains strong standing!! GST is going to be imposed soon enough!! I expect prices of necessity goods to increase triple fold!! I did not get my research job rotation!! I am working in a department that everyday I go to work, I hope it is time to go home!! Nobody have time to teach me stuffs, so I sit alone all the time!!
I have a new slogan in life -> Sit and Stare, Stare and Stone!! That is basically what I am doing every day at work. I hate my life. Can I please utilise my short life span properly? I cannot afford to waste my time anymore. I am already 25 years old and I have yet started to build up my career. I shall find something to do tomorrow at work.
I know I am in a transition period. But I am more of having depression because I become so sensitive and down lately. I cried so much when I did not get the job rotation in research. I was crying so hard that I woke up crying in the middle of the night. I had swollen eyes when I woke up and luckily it was Saturday the next day. I felt so much insulted and humiliated for failing to get into research or even equity capital market. I, at least had all the basic qualifications required and I admit I am not too stupid in terms of learning stuffs, but they prefer someone who was from an unknown university, not even from finance or economics degree and with poor English O.O
In short, I am still working with my current company because of two reasons:
i) I can't apply for annual leaves if I have an interview
ii) I want job experience of at least a year so others will not question my loyalty (so, it looks good on my resume)
Until I find a department that accommodates my interest and it is fast moving, I know I will not be a happy worker although there are a lot of things that can make someone happy. This does not apply to me.
To my surprise, we have internet quota at work. For me, 100mb per day is ridiculously little for work purpose. This morning, I finished using my quota within 1 hour. So, for the rest of the day, I was sitting there doing work which does not require any internet, ie, work offline. My colleagues even emailed the IT department to ask them to increase my internet quota. Seriously, why do they even have internet restriction for workers? It is already the 21st century and everyone is feeding on the information from the internet. Without internet, you will be slow in receiving information and even less of creativity since browsing the net usually provides us with a lot of different types of thoughts and ideas from all over the country. At work, we are restricted from using youtube, Facebook and all other social networking websites. So, what is the point of imposing internet quotas?
Without internet, I really do not know how am I going to survive at work. Over time, there seems to be less and less reasons for me to retain in the company.
Life sucks recently. UBAH failed!! Current government remains strong standing!! GST is going to be imposed soon enough!! I expect prices of necessity goods to increase triple fold!! I did not get my research job rotation!! I am working in a department that everyday I go to work, I hope it is time to go home!! Nobody have time to teach me stuffs, so I sit alone all the time!!
I have a new slogan in life -> Sit and Stare, Stare and Stone!! That is basically what I am doing every day at work. I hate my life. Can I please utilise my short life span properly? I cannot afford to waste my time anymore. I am already 25 years old and I have yet started to build up my career. I shall find something to do tomorrow at work.
I know I am in a transition period. But I am more of having depression because I become so sensitive and down lately. I cried so much when I did not get the job rotation in research. I was crying so hard that I woke up crying in the middle of the night. I had swollen eyes when I woke up and luckily it was Saturday the next day. I felt so much insulted and humiliated for failing to get into research or even equity capital market. I, at least had all the basic qualifications required and I admit I am not too stupid in terms of learning stuffs, but they prefer someone who was from an unknown university, not even from finance or economics degree and with poor English O.O
In short, I am still working with my current company because of two reasons:
i) I can't apply for annual leaves if I have an interview
ii) I want job experience of at least a year so others will not question my loyalty (so, it looks good on my resume)
Until I find a department that accommodates my interest and it is fast moving, I know I will not be a happy worker although there are a lot of things that can make someone happy. This does not apply to me.
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